About this Blog

Today I was reflecting on the purpose for this blog and thought I'd pass it along. The title "The Examined Life" is because of the quote from Sophocles stating that "The unexamined life is not worth living." I started this blog to help myself and others think through some of the issues that we regularly face as individuals or in our interactions with others. I've found that spending some time thinking through these issues helps approach them more effectively when they come up.

There are three or four main categories for these blog entries:

1. Knowing or understanding oneself (personality, values, and personal growth)
   
2. Exploring aspects of interpersonal relationships (relational skills, communication, and teamwork)
   
3. Setting and achieving a purpose (both general and specific)
4. Overall perspective of life
   

As I share my thoughts on the various issues addressed in this blog, I feel like I present things in a fairly objective way, such that most people will be able to see my point of view on them. However, you might not agree with all my thoughts. That's fine with me, but I would encourage you to see the topics as ones that are worthy of your time to think through so that you too can have an "examined life".

Being a Smart Shopper

If you're shopping for a certain item, what factors would help you choose one product over the other? Let's take shampoo for example. You walk down the shampoo aisle and see dozens of options, so how would you decide which one to get? Many are persuaded by the color or the smell. Some are drawn to a particular shape or size of the bottle. Others are loyal to a certain brand because that's what their family has always used. Still others are mainly concerned about the cost.

Although these factors certainly set one product apart from the others, the real question the consumer needs to be asking is, "Does it work?" If the product doesn't work, you might as well skip buying it in the first place.

Of course, shopping for products is only one area of life where it's easy to be persuaded by the wrong factors. Consider an employer who is "shopping" for employees. He meets an applicant who is funny, punctual, and friendly, but can't do the job well. Or consider "shopping" for a career. Some pay lots of money, have flexible work hours, and promise good job security. If you don't enjoy or succeed in those lines of work, you'll quickly find yourself miserable if you take the job.

When we have a decision to make, it's usually helpful to stop and ask, "Okay, what factors do I really need to consider when making this decision?" Keep the "bonus" factors in mind, but don't make the decision primarily because of them.

Idea Fragments

Everywhere you look in society you see examples of great ideas (cars, airplanes, democracy, the internet, etc. ). Obviously, these things did not just happen all at once; they were developed over time. The ideas started as a fragment, then more fragments were added and refined until the product was complete and ready to go. I visualize a product on an assembly line that moves steadily along with each employee adding a screw, a nut, some paint, or something else. It's important to acknowledge that the truly great ideas are the result of teams of people working together, each person adding a few fragments.

Fragments are most fully appreciated when people see the final product, but what about at the very beginning stages of development? It is common for people to look at an idea fragment from someone else and shoot it down as worthless or even counterproductive. What does this do to the inventor? Some give up their ideas, some keep going. The ones who keep trying new things are the ones who experience success.

I'm not saying that all fragments end up getting used. Some are considered for a brief time, then discarded. Some are considered worthless for the current idea but helpful in some idea down the road. Therefore, I'd like to make a few recommendations for those who hear seemingly bad idea fragments of others:

1. Affirm the person's creativity. Encourage them to continue thinking.
2. If you hear something that sounds like a lousy fragment, ask them how long they've been thinking about it. If they say they just recently thought of it, don't shoot it down. Give them time to consider the practicality of their idea. On the other hand, if they say they've been thinking about it for a month, assume that they've thought through the idea from multiple angles and ask them to explain more about what they have in mind.
3. Look for a place that their idea fragment would be a better fit in a different area and tell them so.
   

Here are a few things for aspiring inventors to keep in mind:

1. More than likely, your idea fragment is intended to help reach a certain goal or fix a certain problem. State the goal or the problem before telling your idea fragment. Once the person understands what's motivating your idea, introduce your idea by saying, "I'm starting to think of ways to reach that goal (or solve that problem), and here's what I'm starting to consider...."
2. Assume that most people will disagree with your idea at first. Don't share it until you're ready to hear some criticism. Waiting will also give you time to develop the idea fragment so that there will be a warmer reception.
   
3. Recognize the need for criticism as a part of an idea's development. You will not see all the weaknesses of your own ideas, but the weaknesses are still there. If nobody points them out, there's no way you can fix them. Sometimes, you can also invite the person who sees the weakness to help think of a way to compensate for it.
   
4. Whenever sharing an idea fragment, first tell your audience that you've just begun to think about it. That helps people be more gracious toward the idea.

You may have heard the acronym TEAM (Together Everyone Achieves More). It is essential for teams of people to work together to make great things happen. When we work together, there is a time and a place for pointing out weaknesses in ideas, but when there is an overriding sense of support and teamwork, truly great things can be accomplished.

What is Integrity?

In a world full of moral failures, we've been hearing a lot about integrity recently (or rather the lack of integrity). So what does integrity really mean, anyway? The literal definition of integrity has to do with different things being interconnected. The opposite is the something dis-integrate, or fall apart. So who do we use this word to define character?

The link has to do with being the same person when others are watching and when nobody is watching. If those two are the same, you have integrity (doing what's right when nobody's watching). Most people are careful to do what's right when they're being watched, but perhaps not when they are not being watched.

There are two distinct components to doing what's right when nobody's watching. The first component is knowing what is in fact the right thing to do. This may often be easily achieved, but not necessarily. We cannot assume that people know what is the right thing to do unless they are told what to do and how to do it.

The second component of doing what's right when nobody's watching is that the person is committed to doing it. I've identified three types of motivations that people can have for doing a certain thing. As you read below, keep in mind that what we do is not necessarily as important as why we do it.

1. Fear of the natural consequence
2. Fear of the punitive consequence
3. Desire to live with integrity

Take following the speed limit for example. Some natural consequences would include car crashes, low fuel economy, and car parts wearing out more quickly. Some punitive consequences would include speeding tickets or having your driver's license suspended. However, if someone desires to live with integrity, they'll follow the speed limit because it's the right thing to do. These three types of motivations are present for almost any type of rule you can imagine.

If you follow a rule out of a desire for integrity, you don't need to worry about the natural or punitive consequences. Sometimes, though, it's very tempting to cut a corner, so it's helpful to recall the reason that the rule exists (the natural consequence). Personally, I despise people whose only motivation to follow rules is the fear of the punitive consequence because it leads to the tendency to cut corners when nobody's watching.

Can you imagine a person who has no regard for integrity, punitive consequences, or natural consequences? I imagine that that person has trouble keeping a steady job, relationships, or even their home.

Doing the right thing may be costly, but it is priceless. It's always worth more than the effort you put into it.

Time Management

A typical surge protector has about six outlets. If you plug a vacuum cleaner into one of the outlets, will the vacuum work? Sure. Could you instead plug in a blow dryer? Sure. Could you instead plug in a microwave? Sure. Anything that requires the normal voltage will work if plugged into a surge protector.

But what if you plug multiple appliances into the same surge protector and try to run them all at once? It will most definitely overload the surge protector and it will automatically shut down. The same concept goes for our time management. In the past I've struggled with becoming overcommitted because I enjoy being part of many different things. I had to learn the hard way that you can do anything, but you can't do everything. When I tried to do multiple things, I was not able to do them well and would often hit a breaking point where I shut down physically and emotionally.

Other times, I haven't necessarily been overcommitted, but I have procrastinated many things until the last minute, which has the same effect as overloading a surge protector. Consider all the things that we must do within a certain day (work, eating, driving, conversation, etc.). Is it possible to squeeze all these things into 2 hours? Of course not. But some of us put ourselves in that position by procrastinating things over the course of a week or month. There are lots of things that must get done, but since they they can't be done at the same time, it's important to pace ourselves so that we're always doing one (maybe two) things at once and don't leave everything until the last minute.

Do you ever feel like a surge protector that is overloaded? If so, would you attribute this to overcommitment or to procrastination? What are a couple steps you could take toward spreading things out a little?

I've Been "Banned"

Since my last name is “Malan”, I’ve had the joy of having people spell it various ways, including “Malen”, “Maylen”, “Malin”, “Maylin”, “Milan”, and "Mulan”. You can also imagine how many variations are for saying it (someone actually called me Ben Miller once!). And I would think that “Ben” is a pretty simple first name, but several people have thought it was “Dan”. Young children have accidentally called me “Bean”. Today I got an e-mail from a friend who for whatever reason spelled my name “Ban”. So, it’s official: I’ve been “banned”.

When I played Little League baseball, I liked the times that they announced the batters over the loudspeaker, but they’d often pronounce my last name different than my family says it. On one occasion I was walking up to the plate and they mispronounced my name over the loudspeaker, and I turned and yelled at the announcer’s booth, “It’s Malan!”, after which the announcer corrected it for all to hear.

Since then, I’ve gotten to the point where I really don’t care how people spell or say my name. As long as I know that they’re talking about me, I overlook the misspellings and mispronunciations. I figure that if I am never going to meet a certain person again, there’s no use correcting them. But not everyone shares that comfort level. Some people get quite offended by people messing up their name. There’s something about a person’s name that is intrinsically tied to their personhood, and a change to the written or spoken name can be quite offensive. Forgetting a person's name can also be offensive.

But there’s an upside to this. Whereas messing up a person name can be offensive, calling them by their actual name can go a long way toward building a good relationship with them. I was challenged by reading another person’s blog entry called “The sweetest sound in any language”. He pointed out that people like to hear others call them by name. Rather than saying, “Hey!”, it’s better to say, “Hey John!” (unless of course their name is Larry in which case calling them John is not good). I tried out the advice of the blog I read and found that it’s much more personal to call people by their name. Even if I’m sitting at lunch with one other person and there’s no doubt that I’m talking to that person, I like to use their name throughout the conversation because it seems to show that I’m connecting with them as a person.

How do you feel when people misspell, mispronounce, or even forget your name? Take a moment to consider how you can show respect for people by simply using their name.

My Favorite Words

I was noticing recently that there are certain words I tend to use a lot. As you read the words below, see if they give you any insight to my personality. I've grouped them by similarity.

Intentional, strategic, plan, effective, focus
Impact, influence
Interest, passion
Values, character
Significance, prioritize
Evaluate, consider
Imagine, create
Develop, growth, build, improve, challenge
Confident
Wise, advice
Foundational
Support, connect, helpful, encourage

I don't know how to explain this, but when I hear any word on this list, something inside of me shouts, "Yeah!" I tend to get excited whenever something I'm doing requires these words. For example, if someone says, "Let's evaluate . . ." I shift into the mental gear of asking, "Okay, what are we evaluating? Has this thing changed recently? What should it look like, and how does it measure up to that standard?" It's kind of a weird feeling, but just looking over this list gets my heart pumping and my mind racing. Maybe I should print out the list and put it by my alarm clock to help me wake up in the morning!

As I look over this list is this I notice that you could summarize the entire list with one word: ACTION. I love to DO stuff and get very excited about moving in a positive direction! This theme is clear in my whole life and sort of unifies everything I do.

I'd encourage you to do this as an exercise. Over the next couple days, write down the words that really resonate with your personality, then try to find a common theme among them. For example, if your favorite words include "Peace, care, heal, and love", your list might be summarized by "Feeling". If your list includes words like "Study, learn, practice, and read", your list might be summarized by "Education". I expect that his exercise will give you a big insight to yourself and help you put your natural strengths to the best possible use.