"Good" Advice?

Throughout life, we are offered advice by several people. However, we tend to receive a lot of advice during the teenage years. I'd like to share with you the worst advice advice that I received during my teenage years and how I adjusted the advice to be more helpful.

From Junior High through college, I struggled a lot with feeling like I fit in. Some well-meaning people saw me trying to fit in and advised me, "Be yourself." So I did. The problem is that in many ways, the natural "me" is different and even unattractive to most people. My sense of humor is weird. I get fascinated with little details that don't matter to anyone else. I tell stories that nobody cares about and ignore opportunities to build relationships. My sense of fashion is one-of-a-kind. In fact, I actually prefer being different. If everyone's doing one thing, I like to choose the opposite. That's the natural me.

I decided to go ahead and follow the advice I had been given, so I tried "being myself". I found myself more confidently annoying people, more boldly telling my dumb jokes, and more frequently commenting on the insignificant details that nobody really cared about.

Did this help me develop relationships with others? No. There were a few friends who I assume took pity on me and looked beyond my weirdness. But most people were not drawn to me any more than they had been before. I was hoping that others would see me and think, "Wow, there's a guy who knows what he likes; I want to hang out with him," but that did not really happen.

At some point in the past few years, I've started following the "Be Yourself" advice in a new way. The advice I follow now is, "Be yourself, in such a way that it helps you connect with people rather than distancing yourself from them." I may still say or do the same things as before, but I've learned that timing is crucial and that how I present an idea is often more important than the idea itself. For example:

• If I have a goofy joke about birds, I'll wait to tell it until a time that people are actually talking about birds, rather than throwing it in at some random time.
• If I feel that things should be done a certain way, I'll preface the idea by acknowledging that it's my own opinion and not necessarily the only good one. I'll also support the idea with solid reasons so that people can see that I've thought it through critically.
• If everyone wants to play one game and I want to play a different one, I'll go with the crowd and purposely have fun with it, and later mention some fun things about the other game.
• If I'd like to share something about myself that I know is unusual, I'll acknowledge up front that it's something that's kind of unusual. This approach has the curious effect of valuing myself and laughing at myself, which usually results in others valuing my uniqueness and sharing some of their own unusual traits.

As much as I think we should appreciate who God made us to be, it's also important to recognize that God is still shaping us. I think that it's best to be willing to grow out of bad habits and grow into new ones. Telling someone to "Be Yourself" seems to imply that they should stay at their current level and be proud of it. It's better to recommend that people capitalize on their strengths and develop their areas of weakness.

Thanks for Taxes!

Suppose that you work at a store and a person walks in, picks up a new DVD player, and then takes it out of the store without paying for it. The store alarm goes off and you rush over to check the person's receipt. The person says that he really didn't want to pay the money for the DVD player and that it was unfair for you to make him pay for it; he thinks he should get to have it for free.

Does this sound far-fetched? I hope it does, but the concept is actually quite common. At this time of year (Spring), we're reminded of the taxes that are due to the Federal and State governments. You have probably had the shock of looking at your paycheck stub and seeing the difference between the gross pay and the net pay. Is it fair for the government to take so much money from us? Not unless they are giving us something in return...which in fact they are.

Think through some of the things that government provides for us: military defense, public schools, roads, law enforcement, health standards, etc. These things and more are such a part of our daily life that we take them for granted. Once we recognize what we're getting in return for our taxes, it's easy to see that they're not all that bad.

Not only are taxes not inherently bad, here are two reasons that they are good:

1. If I tried to purchase the same goods or services with my own money that the government does, it would cost me substantially more because the government can buy things in bulk and therefore get a huge discount.
2. If I was responsible for paying for things out of pocket, I would probably be a little stingy. I would not take care of everything that I probably should. If everyone is like me, our communities could quickly become run down due to people not wanting to pay for things like maintenance and public services.
   

Most of the campaign promises that I hear regarding taxes have to do with lowering them or maintaining their current level. When I hear that, I get nervous. The government can only spend the money it has, and I don't want to lose any of the services that we currently have, and I don't want a bunch of people to lose their jobs due to government budget cuts.

I think that the real thing people want to see is that the government is being wise with the money they have. The government's job is to be wise spenders with the best interest of the country--not themselves--in mind. The citizen's responsibility is to vote for representatives that they believe will represent them in making laws, then cheerfully "chip in" for the goods and services that they receive.

Logging Hours

From time to time, most people struggle with efficiency at work. In my case, I have a lot of flexibility with my hours and a lot of freedom with what I choose to work on. I often get to the end of a week and think back trying to remember what I accomplished.

About a week ago, I decided to start logging the types of things I've done. At the end of each day, I spend a few minutes recalling the types of things I worked on. I found that when I keep a simple record my my time usage, I'm much more likely to use time wisely.

Life's "Valleys"

I was reflecting yesterday on what it means to be going through a "valley" of life. My first impression of a valley is that it is a beautiful one, full of vegitation and with a great background of mountains. But when people are going through a difficult phase of life, they sometimes refer to it as a "valley". Here are a few reasons things they might mean by that:

When you're in a valley, you can't see past the mountains; if you're on a mountain top, you can see the valley and so much more. Sometimes people in a valley don't feel like they can see the road ahead.

For a valley, the sun rises later and sets sooner than the mountain tops. Sometimes people in a valley feel like they're walking in darkness.

When it rains, much of the water runs down the side of the mountain. In some cases, this can cause a flash flood in the valley such that a wave of water knocks over people, animals, cars, and even houses. Sometimes people in a valley feel like they're getting knocked over by a wave of difficulty.

Many valleys are hidden by a line of mountains that blocks them. You could say that they're isolated from the rest of the world, and that few people recognize the "inner beauty" of the valley because the mountains around them are so dominant. Sometimes people in a valley either feel socially isolated from the world or do not feel very appreciated compared to those around them.

Mountains come in many sizes and shapes. They usually have distinctive features that draw the eye and set them apart from others. Valleys, on the other hand, are flat. They can seem a little boring compared to the majestic mountain peaks that surround them. Sometimes people in a valley feel like their life is painfully boring.

After reading this, would you associate yourself more with a mountain or a valley? If you're a mountain, I'd encourage you to look around and see people who may be going through a "valley" time of life, and look for ways to encourage them. If you're more like a valley, I'd encourage you to remember a couple of things: First, everyone goes through a few valleys in life. Second, there is an important difference between you and an actual valley: A valley cannot do anything to change its location. It sits there for thousands of years experiencing some of the things mentioned above. On the contrary, people can be proactive about making positive choices in life. What is something in your life that you can adjust to help yourself move away from the "valley" time of your life?