A "To Be" List

If you stop by somebody's desk, chances are likely that you'll see a "To Do" list posted in a very visible location. Personally, I usually have 2 or 3 of them at any one time, plus some unwritten items in my head. It sure feels good to cross things off. Sometimes, I do something that was not on my written list, but I write it down after the fact just so that I can cross it off!

A few months ago, it dawned on me that so many of the items on my "To Do" lists have short-lived value. I can hardly remember the things that I did a month ago, and I doubt anyone remembers what I did even a week ago. However, who I am will stick with someone much longer than what I do.

With this in mind, I started a "To Be" list above my desk at home. Every day I could add one personality characteristic to the list, and eventually I had a list of traits that are very desirable to me. They summarized the kind of person that I would like to become, and by keeping that list in a visible location, I worked on those characteristics more than I otherwise would have. Some of the more prominent "To Be" items were: diligence, patience, assertiveness, and sensitivity to others. These are certainly not things that I want to do just once and then cross them off. They are things that I want continually be.

D.L. Moody once said, "If I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself." I cannot directly cause people to view me a certain way (my reputation), but I can directly control my character, and it is surprising to me how much people pay attention to someone with a consistent character. But more importantly, if I possess certain characteristics, accomplishing the things on the "To Do" list will be much easier.

Do you need a pencil or a pen?

If you looked at my dayplanner, you would see several events written for the next few months. You would also notice that I have frequently crossed out an event due to a change in date or a cancellation. I have learned that so many things can change before an event happens, so to avoid making my dayplanner a mess, I have started to use a pencil to plan upcoming events.

On the other hand, it is completely acceptable to use a pen when recording details about an event that has already happened. Sure, you may go back later and add to what you've written, but an event that has already transpired will not change. It is locked in history, so you can lock it in ink with a pen.

The more I thought about this, the more I was reminded that when we plan for the future, we should always use a pencil--either literally (with a dayplanner) or figuratively (when we are just talking to someone). Although there are things that we are fully expecting to happen, we can never be completely sure that they will happen--at least in the way we expect--until they actually happen. Even if we don't try to change our plans, they will often change anyway. Rain delays, traffic jams, computer failures, and lack of money will often force plans to change. Once they have happened, there is no changing them anymore, so we should consider them to be written in pen. If you are recording details of an event that has already happened, you may go back later and add more details, but you will not necessarily need to change what you've written.

Sometimes I get the "pencil" and "pen" concepts mixed up. I tend to assume that if I carefully plan something, then it will be written in stone and will certainly happen the way I expect, no matter what. I am usually proven wrong, resulting in frustration or embarrassment (or a messy dayplanner!). Other times, I think regretfully about the past and try hard to find ways to change what I have done for the better. Unfortunately, this is even more impossible than confidently knowing how future events will turn out. I am learning to hold the future with an open hand and accept the past for what it is. I believe that getting these concepts straight can save somebody a lot of stress in life over forcing things to be what they may not or cannot be. It is not fun to think about our limitations, but it is helpful so that we don't get too stressed.

There is a point in the movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory when the characters enter a small room. It is very tight and somebody suggests they go back. Willy Wonka quickly explains, "Oh, you can't get out backwards. You've gotta go forwards to go back. Better press on." That advice is true of us today. Although we cannot go back in time, we can learn from the mistakes we made and look for ways to do better in the future or help others to learn from our mistakes. As I've mentioned, whenever we plan for the future, we should picture ourselves as writing with a pencil, and anytime we reflect on events of the past, we should picture ourselves as writing with a pen. However, there is tremendous value in reviewing the past (which is "written in pen") so you can more wisely "write in pencil" and use less eraser.

Are You OCD?

Think back to a time that you have been frustrated by someone who wanted things done a very specific way. They may have spent 5 times as much effort to get it exactly right as you would have, and still not been completely satisfied with it.

Next, back to a time when you had high expectations for something. It might have been an event you were looking forward to for a long time, or perhaps it centered around an item that held high intrinsic or sentimental value. Chances are, not everyone else cared about it as much as you.

Some people are clinically diagnosed with OCD: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. These people feel the need to have everything clean, neat, and in it's place, as well as doing things with a standard of perfection that is beyond our mortal capability. Even if you are not OCD from a clinical standpoint, chances are that there is at least one area of your life where you want things to be "just right". For me, I love to plan. I plan trips, I plan events, I plan speeches. When I am planning, it seems like my whole world can be consumed with making that trip, event, or speech perfect. I constantly add to or adjust the plan until it's just right, and even then I continue to find ways to improve, especially after the event. If the event is a recurring one, I give careful thought to what went well and what could be improved for next time.

Does anybody else care about all the planning I do? No. Planning is a skill that everyone should have, but they can get along just fine without spending hours and hours on it. They can just make a plan and do it.

So I was trying to think today whether there is any area of life that you can objectively say that everyone should be OCD about. Let me clarify: I wasn't looking for something that everyone already is OCD about; rather something that they should be OCD about. Here's what I came up with:

Many people have strict procedures and policies at their jobs. Although these procedures and policies may not be perfect and could often stand to be updated, I believe that it is important for all employees to comply with them to the best of their ability. For example, a hospital's standards for cleanliness must be a top priority, and a construction company's standards for precision in measurement must be a top priority. However, cleanliness and measurement do not necessarily need to be a top priority in every facet of life. I could not think of anything that everybody should be OCD about, because I think that it depends on where you work, etc.

So what? Why does this matter? Because the next time I care deeply about a particular way of doing things and get frustrated that others do not share the same heartfelt desire to be perfect in this particular area, I need to remember that I shouldn't expect others to be as concerned about it as I am. That doesn't mean that I should stop caring about it, but changing my expectations about what I expect others' priorities to be will probably save me a lot of frustration over time.

On the other side of the coin, the next time that someone is OCD about something that I couldn't care less about, I want to be a little more sympathetic toward them, even if I don't care about the topic, because I know what it's like for one thing to seem really important.