Discipline: Limiting or Empowering

When I hear the word "discipline" my mind immediately pictures a set of rules that start with, "Do not..." or a posted sign that says, "No trespassing". There are many examples around us of discipline limiting what people can do.

I'd like to present the idea of a blow dart gun. It's not that complex; basically it's just a tube that holds the blow dart. You insert the blow dart in one end, put your mouth up to the tube, and blow. The dart fits perfect inside the tube, so that all of the air you blow is focused on pushing that dart forward. No air pressure is lost by going around the dart. As a result, it's amazing how far and how fast the darts can travel!

Supposing you put a blow dart on a table (without a tube) and blow on it as hard as you can. Will it move? A little, but not nearly as much as if it was in the tube.

When you think of this idea, do you consider the tube to have a limiting role or an empowering role? Well, it sort of does both. It limits the directions which the air can flow: only to push on the dart rather than going up or down or to the sides. But as a result, it empowers the dart to fly much further than it can without it.

People can be like this too when we receive discipline. At first, it's no fun to hear what we cannot do. Hopefully, we realize that the emphasis is not on what not to do but on what to do, and that if we spend all our time doing stuff that doesn't matter, we will never accomplish anything truly great.

Looking at the following list of things people are told not to do, consider how a person, like a dart, can really go much further in life if they adhere to that area of discipline:

1. Don't watch movies that are a bad influence.
   
2. Don't gossip about people.
3. Don't waste all your money on things that will get used up immediately.
4. Don't get overcommitted by signing up to do too many things.
5. Don't cheat by copying another person's homework.

The above statements are written in the negative form. When we tell people what they should not do, they tend to feel limited. When we phrase them in the positive form, people tend to feel empowered to make a better choice. For example, spend your money on things that will last, and only tell things about people that they themselves would tell.

I believe that this concept has two implications for everyone. First, when we receive discipline, it's helpful to see it in the proper perspective: that it is usually intended to empower us rather than limit us (although this is not always the case). Having that perspective makes it a lot easier to follow the rules. Second, we should confidently discipline the children in our lives, knowing that focusing them on doing what's right will help them reach their full potential rather than just letting them do and act however they want.

Sometimes it's hard to stay consistent with disciplining children. We get lazy. We choose favorites. We feel like we're not living up to a certain standard, so it's hard for us to expect others to live up to it. But think of the blow dart gun. Its shape is constant; it does not bend, stretch, or shrink. As much as possible, we should strive to be the same.