Tell It Like It Is

In one episode of a popular TV show, one character bakes some amazing cookies for her friends. The friends ask what her special ingredients are, and the cook says that she used a secret family recipe called (with a French accent), "Nas Le Tole Husse". The friends immediately catch on and exclaim, "Nestle Tollhouse!?" Although the cook tried to win her friends' approval by twisting the truth, she ended up making them mad by not being totally honest.

A couple months ago, I recognized the need for genuineness in my conversations with people. As a leader, I wanted people to know that things were going smoothly with my area of ministry, so I would emphasize the positive things and leave out the negatives. I wouldn't call this an outright lie, but it is a form of misleading others.

It used to be that if I wanted someone to be a station leader, I would ask them to "help out" with the program, and then assume that they would naturally drift toward becoming a leader of a station. But that didn't work. So now I ask them up front to be a station leader and tell them the whole description of it. Similarly, if I've promised someone that I'll work on something but don't get around to it, I'll be open and up front with them by saying, "I'm really sorry, but I haven't even started it yet. I do still plan to do it, but right now, I've got some other things that need to get done." One last example: if I'm running late for a meeting with someone I like to call ahead and tell them I'm still coming. However, when giving them my ETA (estimated time of arrival) I used to tell them the earliest time that I could possibly arrive because I don't want them to be mad at me for being late. But I found that I could never arrive at that earliest possible time, so they ended up being frustrated that I didn't arrive at the new ETA. Therefore I began overestimating the time I would need to arrive, so I am always "on time" for the adjusted ETA.

I noticed a few key benefits of being totally honest:

1. When people hear you being honest about the weaknesses, they're more likely to trust you when hearing the strengths. They're also less likely to feel the need to point out the weaknesses when I demonstrate that I see them myself.
   
2. When people are informed of the true weaknesses, they're more likely to offer to help.
3. When I'm honest about how things are really going, I feel a sense of peace that I'm not hiding anything or have a standard that's too high to live up to. When others offer constructive criticism, it's a little easier to absorb because I am already open to thinking about my weaknesses.
   

As you go through life this week, look for times that you or others emphasize more of the positive aspects in order to sound better. Notice also the impact that doing so has on the person and on others. Finally, I'd encourage you to take a step toward telling things like they really are or encouraging others to do so.