Tell It Like It Is

In one episode of a popular TV show, one character bakes some amazing cookies for her friends. The friends ask what her special ingredients are, and the cook says that she used a secret family recipe called (with a French accent), "Nas Le Tole Husse". The friends immediately catch on and exclaim, "Nestle Tollhouse!?" Although the cook tried to win her friends' approval by twisting the truth, she ended up making them mad by not being totally honest.

A couple months ago, I recognized the need for genuineness in my conversations with people. As a leader, I wanted people to know that things were going smoothly with my area of ministry, so I would emphasize the positive things and leave out the negatives. I wouldn't call this an outright lie, but it is a form of misleading others.

It used to be that if I wanted someone to be a station leader, I would ask them to "help out" with the program, and then assume that they would naturally drift toward becoming a leader of a station. But that didn't work. So now I ask them up front to be a station leader and tell them the whole description of it. Similarly, if I've promised someone that I'll work on something but don't get around to it, I'll be open and up front with them by saying, "I'm really sorry, but I haven't even started it yet. I do still plan to do it, but right now, I've got some other things that need to get done." One last example: if I'm running late for a meeting with someone I like to call ahead and tell them I'm still coming. However, when giving them my ETA (estimated time of arrival) I used to tell them the earliest time that I could possibly arrive because I don't want them to be mad at me for being late. But I found that I could never arrive at that earliest possible time, so they ended up being frustrated that I didn't arrive at the new ETA. Therefore I began overestimating the time I would need to arrive, so I am always "on time" for the adjusted ETA.

I noticed a few key benefits of being totally honest:

1. When people hear you being honest about the weaknesses, they're more likely to trust you when hearing the strengths. They're also less likely to feel the need to point out the weaknesses when I demonstrate that I see them myself.
   
2. When people are informed of the true weaknesses, they're more likely to offer to help.
3. When I'm honest about how things are really going, I feel a sense of peace that I'm not hiding anything or have a standard that's too high to live up to. When others offer constructive criticism, it's a little easier to absorb because I am already open to thinking about my weaknesses.
   

As you go through life this week, look for times that you or others emphasize more of the positive aspects in order to sound better. Notice also the impact that doing so has on the person and on others. Finally, I'd encourage you to take a step toward telling things like they really are or encouraging others to do so.

Beautiful Weeds

Have you ever noticed how beautiful some weeds actually are? For starters, there are the kind with the yellow flower that turns into a dandelion. Then there are the ones that look like four-leaf clovers (minus one of the leaves). Others have nice shades of purple or red.

So if weeds look so nice, why don't we just let them grow? To take it a step further, why don't we intentionally plant these amazing species all over our yards and gardens?

Weeds are not as innocent as they may appear. They suck up water and nutrients that the plants around them would otherwise consume. Weeds can also have various types of thorns and even be poisonous to people. For these reasons (and probably others that I can't think of), it's best to remove weeds.

Two important tips about removing weeds: Remove them quickly and completely. It's important to remove them quickly because they tend to spread quickly. It's important to remove them completely by pulling out the roots because if you just cut the top, they will grow back.

Weeds make a great analogy for other areas of life where certain problems are disguised as seeming very attractive. Over time it becomes apparent that their bad far outweighs the good. Unfortunately, just like weeds, these negative things can spread quickly and be difficult to completely remove. But removing these weedlike parts of our lives is always worth the effort!

Why I Play with Blocks

Yes, I play with blocks although I am an adult, and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Whenever I would visit my Grandma's house, I was excited to play with her set of blocks. I never had my own, but continued to want one. About a month ago, I bought some lumber from the hardware store, borrowed my neighbor's saw, and created my own set of blocks. Yesterday I spent about an hour building various kinds of towers, and I realized some very specific reasons why I enjoy playing with blocks.

Here are some of the top reasons that I play with blocks:

• It allows me to be creative. I can easily move the pieces around to get just the right look. There's a sense of freedom not worrying about what others will say if I make something that's kind of weird.
  
• It develops a sub-skill of creativity: spatial visualization (the ability to picture something before it is tangible) with things like the length of certain pieces.
  
• It develops my appreciation of both aesthetics (right brain) and precision (left brain).
  
• It refines my fine motor skills.
• Some problem solving skills such as patience and determination are refined when facing challenges with construction.
  
• It's very relaxing and can effectively take my mind off stress.
  

Psychologists tell us that the most formulative years in a person's life are when they are age 5 and younger. What else happens before age 5? A lot of playing with blocks and other activities that stimulate the mind. Could it be that the development of the mind slows down after that because people move away from activities that stimulate the mind? When we continue to do things that we are already good at, we don't get much smarter. The learning curve is steeper while we are doing new things.

Although I have several reasons for playing with blocks, if I only play with blocks, I'll eventually find myself in a rut. As a general rule, when a friend wants to introduce me to a new game, always accept, even when there's another game that I know and enjoy more. I force myself to learn new rules and new strategies. I find that these new approaches to thinking are helpful in daily life (not to mention adding some spice of variety).

Going Around in Circles

A couple months ago, I was impacted by hearing one of the pastors at my church emphasize the value of listening carefully to peoples' questions in order to respond to their exact question. I realized that I have often listened to the first part of their question and then filled in the rest in my mind.

Because of this, I have become aware of times recently that I am talking with someone and trying to explain something or get a certain answer, but we go around in circles. I figured out that if I say the same thing (or ask the same question) twice and the other person still doesn't understand, either I'm not listening carefully enough or I'm not explaining something in a way that they understand. When sharing my thoughts or questions, it's not enough for my words to make sense to me; they also need to make sense to the other person.

So when I find that I'm going around in circles with somebody, I've trained myself to stop and try a different way of approaching the conversation. Rather than repeating myself with more emphasis or accusing them of not understanding, I force myself to figure out why they are not understanding what I'm saying. I've found that to be much more effective.